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Crown You With Honesty

Crown you with Honesty!

I am worthy 

Of the truth that is 

You are Honest 

I believe you are truthful that is 

Spare my feelings 

That is what society has taught 

Honor me with your truth 

That is what my heart says 

Well, I hope that I have been clear about where our conversation begins sir.  And I do not by any means represent all women. But what I will represent   today is that group of women who want the truth.  I’m talking that “Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you, God”.  Contrary to what society, the barbershop, or ya boys tell you WE WANT THAT ISH. Unapologetic Honesty.  Believe it or not, we can handle it.  We might not be excited about being divulged something that will taint our happily ever after.  But your whole truth is essential to relationship development and growth between you and your partner. Let me take a step back for a moment.  Communication, good communication is the hallmark to a positive and healthy relationship.  Honesty is like a brother/sister to communication. Without it there is no unity in a genuine relationship. You need honesty in order to properly communicate with your mate.  Bottom-line!

Lies on the other hand are like snowballs they are exciting and fun until you get hit in the face with one. From that snowball, if they survive that turn into snowmen, that potentially melt into nothingness.  Eventually, this can become an avalanche that will take out everything in their paths… I think you guys get where I’m going. They can and will destroy the foundation of your relationship ultimately and things won’t be so sweet once the truth is unleashed. 

Contrary to what society, the barbershop, or ya boys tell you WE WANT THAT ISH. Unapologetic Honesty.  Believe it or not, we can handle it. 

Top Reasons Human lie (Psychology today, 2017):

1. The lie does matter… to them. The number one reason people lie when it just doesn’t matter is because they actually do think it matters. 

2. Telling the truth feels like giving up control. Often, people tell lies because they are trying to control a situation and exert influence toward getting the decisions or reactions they want. The truth can be “inconvenient” because it might not conform to their narrative.

3. They don’t want to disappoint you. It may not feel like it to you, but people who tell lie after lie are often worried about losing the respect of those around them. They want you to like them, be impressed, and value them. 

4. It’s not a lie to them. When we are under pressure, our thinking about the big picture can be challenged. 

Those are just a few facts.  We all know that there are many more reasons why.  In the mind of most Men the primary reason to devise stories of deception is: 

Truth=Rejection & Lies =Controlling the narrative.

Would you agree?  Please believe me when in tell you fellas most women would rather you hurt them with the truth than to finesse them with a lie.  So today I want to crown you with truth, I want to leave you with some tips to start those honorable and honest conversations with the ladies.

  • Create a mood:choose a place or environment that will keep you and your mate relaxed & calm- taking a walk, working out, or creating an ambiance at home.
  • Tone of voice:it’s not what you say it’s how you say it. After you’ve set the right mood take a gentle approach, you want to create a restorative environment.  Try your best to use language that doesn’t place blame or manifest hostility. 
  • Be ready to give your partner space:After revealing you truth you partner may need a break and that’s ok.  Processing what’s happened is essential for both parties to move forward successfully together or apart.  
  • Be Open.  You must accept the end result.  Though you may not want a negative outcome be accepting of the fate of the relationship. Whether the result is positive or negative you MUST accept and reflect on what the universe has delivered.  Behind every lesson is a blessin’ and you will be rewarded for your honesty! You will feel good about yourself, know you were honorable and live in your truth.  

From here on, my advice to you is- if you use this practice from the gate you will bring in the energy and relationship that you need to thrive.  We often times lie to get the things we want and lose them because it wasn’t what we needed. On that note I sign off fellas. I hope you enjoyed our time.  

Lata,


Chi

Reference:

Ley Ph.D., D. (2017).  6 Reasons People Lie When They Don’t Need To: Understanding the motivations pathological liars.  Retrieved on February 7, 2019, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/201701/6-reasons-people-lie-when-they-don-t-need

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Long Live Chivalry

Every so often I hear the treacherous phrase, “Chivalry is dead.” While some areas of media would have us to believe this is true, I simply refuse to accept it. I am a strong supporter of chivalrous acts. Some may view the concept as outdated, limiting, or simply too traditional. But, this has become the age of #BlackLove and #relationshipgoals. It seems there has been a resurgence in relationships and the general feeling toward them. So much so there are creative engagements happening and being posted to social media all the time. All you have to do is go to Instagram and search the hashtags, you will find an overabundance of pictures displaying pure love.

Many idolize couples who seemingly exhibit healthy relationships, such as Ciara and Russell Wilson. Their love story has been the root of many women jokingly asking Ciara what prayer she prayed to get Russell Wilson as a spouse.  That being said, I don’t think chivalry is dead! I still see men open store and car doors for women, pull out women’s chairs before they seat themselves, I’ve witnessed men move their women to the inner side of the sidewalk when walking down the street, men help women put their coats on, and there are even women at my job who randomly receive flowers or edible arrangements from their spouses or significant others. While of course women don’t NEED men to do these things, the efforts are greatly appreciated.

In an age where kindness and common courtesy are becoming less common it is refreshing to see these chivalrous actions still taking place. As a woman it is a fantastic feeling to have a man be thoughtful and courteous enough to do these things. It makes you no less independent to allow a man to help you with any of these acts! Even more, doing these things does not make you “weak” as I’ve heard before.  If anything, it simply makes you a gentleman! These very small actions promote a trend of warmth that is unmatched.

-Miss Ashley’s Anecdotes

Dear Black Man: Therapy is Okay For You Too

By far, the best decision I’ve ever made for myself was to FINALLY start therapy. After years of wanting and needing to, but putting it off because of fear, I’m so happy that I did. Seriously, therapy saved my life. Since then, I’ve been on an endless crusade to get more of US to try it out. In all my experience of trying to encourage others to seek help for the everyday struggles life may bring, I’ve learned the group who needs an extra push when it comes to considering therapy are Black Men. I’ve had conversations with Black Men in therapy who have expressed shame about being in treatment. They often don’t want to tell their loved ones about it. I’ve also had conversations with Black Men who have considered therapy but have not taken that step. Being seen as weak is a real fear for you and I totally understand why. You’ve been conditioned to see any form of admitting a struggle shows weakness.

I can try to convince you to seek therapy all day long. But, I thought it would be more beneficial for you to hear from other Black Men who’ve sought therapy. I asked the men to describe their overall therapy experience and to give advice to other Black Men. Most of my readers are women but if you have a Black Man in your life who’s skeptical about therapy, share this with them.

Experiences

Experience: Positive. Draining. But overall pointing me in the right direction.

Advice: Go with an open mind. Stick with it. It takes time and several sessions to start to get to heart of what ails you.

Anonymous, 32, in therapy for 4 months

E: Amazing to look at another person’s perspective of your situation and come to the realization that you do have layers of undiscovered things in your psyche.

A: Get rid of every stigma that may make you feel less of a man if you go.

Anonymous, 32, off and on for 5 months

E: Helpful and calming

A: Let the preconceived notions go. It does not mean you are crazy or make you less of a man. It can be helpful and sometimes essential in you maintaining your mental health.

Andre, 41, 6 months

E: I thought it was helpful to gain perspective, reflection, and at times indirect guidance.

A: Seek therapy, other folks are doing. Also, I think therapy advocates should consider the benefits of incorporating routine therapy or therapy-like activities in elementary, middle, and high schools….and not just reserve it for the students that are cutting themselves etc.

Anonymous, 33, 2 years off and on

E: I was very happy with the experience. It helped me learned about a lot of issues I had concerning my father and insecurities and my father has been married to my mother since 1982. It was tough at first but it definitely helped my relationship with my father and we are doing better. My relationship with significant other has gotten better to because I communicate better and have learned how to take criticism without feeling attacked.

A: You have to do this for yourself! The hardest part is just showing up. Once you show up you’ll be glad you did. There is nothing wrong with wanting to find out more about yourself and wanting help it doesn’t make you weak there’s nothing wrong with that either.

Christopher, 31, 3 months

E: My first time going was while I was in a relationship and my girlfriend at the time wanted me to see her in that setting, and listen as the therapist translated things for us. Luckily for me, I was able to see the type of therapy that would be most effective for me. The doctor was a very non traditional therapist, and during that visit she even recommended MDMA to get us over a vulnerability hump in our relationship. After seeing how amazing she was with my girlfriend, I decided to find my own therapist who was similar to work on maintaining my happiness, finding ways to be vulnerable in all my settings, and figure out where I needed fine tuning. I’ve never felt I had any mental illnesses, but I do strongly believe that all Black folks should see someone to deal with underlying issues we think are a part of life. Like the anxiety we get from systemic racism, and the depression and stress that sometimes comes with that. Since seeing therapists of all types, some very traditional, some far from traditional, I’ve been my happiest, knowing I’ve been given the tools to keep myself on track and help others as well. I’ve since become a mental health first aid professional, helping others in their emergencies and giving resources.

A: It’s imperative that we talk to folks who aren’t emotionally invested in us to get their unbiased thoughts and feedback. Being strong isn’t being silent, it’s talking and sharing and being vulnerable.

Darnell, 34, 6 years

E: The experience in therapy was generally positive. I was able to identify some neurosis and anxiety developed from early trauma. It was helpful to have that knowledge of self.

A: I would say that while frightening to be vulnerable, please do it. You can take your time working with a therapist of your choice. It can be helpful to find a therapist of similar to background. I had an additional barrier working with an affluent white woman therapist. She was fine, but her practice was in her home and I was met with aggression and suspicion when coming to my sessions by her neighbors. I was afraid because of that.

Taj, 30, 6 months

E: I’ll be straight up, I did not like my therapist. She was an older white lady, helpful and very succinct but I couldn’t help but feel like she couldn’t fully understand me. I used my sessions as times to vent and check-in/ update my therapist on the progress I made since the previous visit. We talked about finding balance in my life overall, my irrational spending habits, anger, and family issues I was having at the time. My therapist advised me to get more sleep, include more physical activity into my everyday routine (because endorphins matter), eat real food, and spend more time doing things I love.

A: When I left therapy I realized that my therapist had only confirmed what my friends and family had been telling me for years. For some reason it just clicked because it was a stranger telling me. It had to be right if EVERYONE was saying the same thing. Going to therapy never killed anybody. If you absolutely hate it you don’t have to go back. In my opinion the whole objective of therapy is to learn coping skills so that you don’t have to continue seeing a therapist. Try it.

Timothy, 28, 8 months

Watch Ashleigh answer your questions

“MAN”nerisms

Sugar. Spice. And everything nice. These are the ingredients used to make young women and not young men…This is one of the major issues in the Black community that perpetuates a constant stigma on how Black Men should act to be considered as “straight Black Men”. I want to mention a disclaimer to the fact that this isn’t to bash anyone that is homosexual but rather to emphasize and/or shed light on the things that we consider to be feminine or “gay” that make Black Men feel as though they cannot be themselves.

Let’s start from the beginning. In order to not only give a Black Woman’s perspective on Black Men and femininity, but I also did my due diligence and spoke with a variety of Black Men. It’s safe to say that most of them have grown up with parent(s) that did not approve of their actions. Those parents have their own bias and may even be homophobic and in raising their children, they wanted to make sure that their Black sons did not grow up to be gay or bisexual or even trans. Their children may not have even wanted to be any of those things but instead wanted to do certain things that would allow them to express their true identity. They were taught that in order to be a straight black male, you have to dress and act a certain way. They were taught that blue is for boys and pink is for girls. Some men were even beaten because they showed feminine tendencies and their fathers and/or mothers did not want them to grow up and become “gay.” Outrageous, right?

MANNERISMS/TENDENCIES

There is a big correlation between feminine actions as a child and being gay as an adult. This is something that I think people need to understand as it has been a pattern in the Black community and a constant “problem” among many cultures. A lot of my millennial Jamaican friends are open to living a certain lifestyle while their parents are very close-minded in the fact that their culture does not approve of anything pass what they have been taught. People’s experiences give them different viewpoints.

Even men who chose to groom themselves in a certain way get backlash because they aren’t rugged enough. They’d rather get manicures and pedicures than let their fingernails grow long and accumulate dirt. I personally love when men do this because it shows just how much they love to take care of themselves. Your nails can tell a lot about your personal hygiene. The problem is that I’ve dated Black Men who do not want to be seen getting their nails done but still get them done. This is a problem!

I want to make the argument that just because you act a certain way, doesn’t mean you are gay, straight, or bisexual. But on the other hand, everyone’s experience is different and most people I know that have changed the way they act now to become more expressive of who they are, have come out to be what most people thought they would be. That’s a personal experience. So what happens when the people that others placed their own societal views and stereotypes on say that they are just a straight Black Man who loves to move a certain way that isn’t “the norm”? Does that make them any less of a man?

FASHION

 OGs are in an uproar. OGs don’t paint their nails, wear skin-tight jeans and put beads in their hair…indeed they have!

Which brings me to my next point: Fashion! Probably one of the most liberating yet controversial ways of self-expression. Because of the standard set by not only society but our parents…I believe that the set standard goes a such

  • Boys that wear blue: straight
  • Boys that wear pink: gay
  • Girls that wear pink: straight
  • Girls that wear blue: still straight

This standard hasn’t even been followed by the teachers themselves.

Exhibit A: There are Black Men who were wearing dresses and blouses.

Photo Credit: Livingly

Boy has times changed!

Exhibit B: Young Thug

Photo Credit: The Fader

I am in no way comparing these two Black Men as far as their discography goes but I am of course comparing their choice of clothing and creativity.  Fashion and sexuality aren’t in the same bubble.

A Black male friend of mine made a good point: People pick and choose when they think that things are “gay.” I say “gay” because of that’s usually the word I hear when straight Black Men with major insecurities refer to when they see another Black Man living in his truth. His truth isn’t “gay”…it’s just his true self.

FRIENDSHIPS/RELATIONSHIPS

This is something that goes on across all communities but maybe even more detrimental to the Black community because of how harsh society is on black men. Black Men get enough flack from society whether it’s from being too hood or too feminine.

Video Courtesy of Dalton Skaggs

Take, for example, Ozzie Albies and Ronald Acuna Jr., two men of color who play on the Atlanta Braves baseball team. A video compilation of them hugging and joking around in the dugout went viral on Twitter and people had so much to say on how their display of affection may come off. However, Albies was actually just comforting Acuna during the game. The other videos included how close a friendship they share and how Black Men don’t have to act so reserved all the time.

These men have never come out and said that they were into each other. In fact, they are said to be childhood friends. Women touch each other all of the time but for the most part, aren’t perceived as lesbian or bisexual. We are taught to be loving and caring for others. To show empathy.

“Many men have not been told how to process and talk about their emotional experiences, furthering a sense of isolation, anger, and resentment,” says writer for Talkspace, Jor-El Caraballo. “For these men, this creates an emotional volatility that can sometimes manifest in seeming “shut down” in relationships and friendships.” Carballo talks about how men are praised for their physicality but are rarely held to a standard that meets their emotional and intellectual needs.

He also says that “It is a circular problem we experience. In order for Black Men to get help, they must open up enough to let someone know that they need help. But in order to open up and ask for help, they have to crack the cool façade…”

Like I said before, men are taught to not cry or show emotion as women do because that’s being “soft.” Which makes them even angrier. Not being able to show your true feelings about certain things causes psychological trauma instead.

Nonetheless, this isn’t about the path these young men chose growing up, but rather the way they chose to express themselves while doing it. At the end of the day, it is all about comfortability. Black Men should be able to be comfortable expressing who they are and how they feel whether it be through the way they act, through the way they dress, or in how they treat others. Real straight Black Men do not let others’ opinions of themselves become their reality. Opinions are just ideas based off of that person’s own experiences. A wise straight Black Man once told me, “Are you really a man if you let another man tell you what you can and cannot do?”

They Do Things Differently

If you are a Black Tech entrepreneur or if you are a Black entrepreneur, you should already know about Founder Gym. In case you don’t know who they are, allow us to introduce you. Founder Gym is an online training centre for underrepresented founds who want to build successful startups. Now you might be thinking that there are so many “boot camps” out there claiming to do the same for entrepreneurs. This is not the case with Founder Gym. They are not claiming anything. They are letting their work and past graduates’ successes do the talking.

Why are we bringing you information about Founder Gym? Well, let’s just say that we are excited that one of our Black brothers could be a part of the new Cohort that Founder Gym has just opened up. If you are out there and you are working on your tech startup, you need to apply for Founder Gym’s Cohort 5 or its Cohort 6 which is for Black entrepreneurs only.

mandelablurry.jpg
Mandela SH Dixon.Courtesy of foundergym.com

If you would like to find out more about the cohorts, jump on over to Founder Gym and see for yourself. Obviously, we are not going to promote something we’re not being paid for without a solid reason.

 

cord
Cordelro Brown. Courtesy of foundergym.com

That reason is our brother Cordelro Brown, the Digital Engagement Associate at Founder Gym. We love the CEO and Founder Mandela SH Dixon for all she’s doing to promote and uplift the Black experience, but we are even more excited about the seats she’s making open at the table for our Black brothers.

The Journey Begins

If you want to go quickly, go alone. If you want to go far, go together — African Proverb

 

Now is our time. Our fathers have fought, and they are no more. Legacies of dreams had.  Seats unrelinquished. Voting cries, fallen dynasties. Our path has been flawed with countless obstacles that those who came before us have had to overcome. They did not do it for themselves brothers. No, they did all that for us. You might be thinking why would this be titled The Journey Begins. Well, brother, the path has always been there for us. However, we have been celebrating the journey of those who came before us.

We celebrate the journeys of Mandela, King Jr., X, Owens, Tutu, Douglass, Achebe, Tambo, Du Bois, and others. We exalt in their legacies and talk about continuing them. But is that what they wanted? Did they want us to just maintain their legacies or did they fight for us to get the opportunity to use them and create our heritage? These are the kind of questions we at Black Men Who Blog ™ LLC want you to help us answer. Let’s just think back to the days of Mandela’s imprisonment, what would you have done then? Would you have been as forgiving as he was? Or would you have taken the first opportunity to exact your revenge on those who wronged you?

Mandela did not just forgive his accusers, he became an icon. He became more than his station. Yes, he was a president, but he was also more. He became the presidents’ president. Brother, if you have taken the time to read this, we want you to realise that you are more than just a content creator and this platform is more than just community. You have the potential to change everything. Heavy? Maybe. But we urge you to look beyond your self-imposed station and see how your actions, creations, and being can change the world around you.

The journey has begun. Our fathers have created a path, and they are no more. Today, you stand at the precipice of greatness, unsure of which way to go. Your indecisiveness is not your weakness for all man is indecisive at one time or another. No brother, your greatest weakness is believing that you can do it all by yourself. You leave your brothers behind because they fail to meet your criteria of what it means to be part of your community. You have created a prison for yourself that you believe is your standard. So, you keep them out to protect you. The time has come for us to realise that our fathers fought so we could stop creating our own prisons. Their fight was not to oppress our oppressors. Their match was not to make them admit their wrong. A wolf will forever be a wolf no matter how much the sheep accuses him of murder.

A lion amongst wolves without its pride will forever be timid. Brother, you are a lion. We are your pride. So, if you would like to know why a company, a platform, a community, a family is stepping outside the norms of what businesses should be like, our answer is simple. You are not normal. You are a Black Man. Feared for everything that is you. Come along on this journey and be a part of the new path that we will create.

The Journey Begins.

Ish

Founder/CEO

 

The Rap Attack of the Clones:

The rap attack is…

Rappers have achieved levels of success that the pioneers of this generational phenomenon could once only dream of.  We are now witnessing is progressive prosperity: seeds sown by innovators of Hip-Hop are being fully reaped however, the harvest isn’t natural like it used to be.  It’s a hopped up and recycled product – a shallow shell of the precedence that once set this art form apart from anything anyone had ever seen or heard before.

Today’s creations are no longer demonstrations of individuality but are now half-man/half-amazingly-lazy duplications of successful blueprints. Current Hip-Hop offerings, even though they lack the breath originality, echo unsatisfying sentiments. Those who consume it seem completely unaware or unconcerned about the lack of uninspired, unproductive content they consume.

The lyricism of yesterday brought attention to storytelling using a wealth of words blended together to sound the same.  The “lyricism” of today (at least what makes its way through the media’s red tape) is a poor sampling of rappers that sound the same.  So much for creative expression…

So… in light of these clone rappers and in honor of The Last Jedi coming out this month, I give you the centerpiece of today’s “poetiorial”:  The Rap Attack of the Clones.  May we see the resurgence of individual soldiers uniquely imprinted like John Boyega’s Finn – whose became driven to go down a different path once his conscience awakened – to quite the storm of poor replications that have poured into and corrupted the Republic of Hip-Hop.

Sessions of Self-Destruction

We now live in a climate
Where lyrics are criminally minded.
We’ve been mentally blinded by “Thug Life” tattoos and attitudes.
It’s one thing to call attention to city limits –
It’s entirely another when it’s mimicked as a gimmick…
It’s an extensive epidemic of facts misconstrued on wax tunes.

I’d rather see emcees lyrically finesse with good hooks
Over emcees interiorly recessed in hood nooks.
God forbid they come spiritually correct from
the Good Book – pigs would fly first.
Instead, most choose validation
By corroding their talents wasted…
Into a pool of miscalculations that drowns and hides their worth.

What’s embraced now in raps and flows
is a blatant take on the files found in Attack of the Clones.
Rabid tones are etched in stones ‘round the necks of folks with a new noose.
If we could replace half of the status quo and flash that’s shone
With immaculate quotes filled with facts for the dome…
We’d be masters of our souls – yet instead, we disappoint like Episode II.

Caught in the middle of rap’s battle zone,
Hip-Hop’s new followers need chaperons –
Many have attached to roles where crack is sold not in vials, but images vile.
No one reverences the tracks of old
When veterans still had their souls…
If they’re not reppin’ capital, their style’s not worth mentionin’ now.

New jack rappers seek the easy way out in formulas
That have been easily laid out like flooring rugs.
Don’t consort with them, I’m warnin’ ya’ –
their deeds mislead and strip the people.
Today’s rappers have stolen harmonies
in their criminal records –
They all commit bold larceny with pitiful gestures…
When lines are contrived with minimal effort
I just say no to the track and skip the needle.

I’m worn out by tired flows and unoriginal ledgers.
I’m pullin’ horns out to blow whistles on these whimsical jesters.
They’re timid little hecklers – too afraid to stir still waters without stolen thunder.
They’d rather whine about grindin’ waistlines
And invade minds with tales of sellin’ base and dimes…
They’re all wastes of space and time –
as collabos implode wherever clone numbers lumber.

If you didn’t get it,  study physics –
the latter line’s at its baseline.
Like matter can’t occupy the same space at the same time.
When we feel quakes, it isn’t the bass line –
it’s the ripple effect of self-destruction.
The way it reverberates affects the system
And sternly shakes vertebrates with its mechanism…
When words are fake, they wreck and wizen
the special wisdom once held in the subject.

This epidemic’s especially wicked
in the midst of cloning threats.
What once served as shock value now controls the set.
Biggie Smalls was the older Fett –
clones of the vet know success by emulating his role.
Rap’s overrun with so many random Boba Fetts
Carrying theoretical handguns and supposed threats
That the tones these kleptos have kept
slowly beget a single note that’s taken its toll.

Equal pitch and repeated frequency causes resonation.
When left untreated, the damage extends beyond reparations.
The aftermath’s a disastrous path set in the wake’s run –forget a takeover, take cover.
Like Todd after Diff’rent Strokes or
Like Nas when he rekindled his folklore…
The bridge will be over – as chasms between Blacks
and rap will crack from blasts of fake thunder

Written by

Reggie Legend


This week, one of our new members Reggie Legend, blessed us with his unique perspective on the state of hip-hop.  We can wait to know what you thought of his gifted expression.  Be sure to leave your comments!

The Question About Respect (Dr Gneiss)

Dr Gneiss’ Take

  • What do you wish women knew about Masculine respect?

That it is a key element in a relationship, just as much as feminine respect. Some men don’t need the affirmation to the respect because their confidence is self-driven, however, there are some that need to see the display of respect for their relationships to run smoothly. Men should within reason relay what is important to his spouse/girlfriend what and how he will interact with her within a relationship…what his responsibilities will be, what role he will want to take on. This should be discussed and agreed upon. After the agreement is made to respect each other’s roles, that agreement should be respected.

  • What does it mean to you? (What is respect?)

Respect to me is an acknowledgement that I matter, that others matter. We should respect opinions, rules, standings and other facets of a person’s personality. As long as something is civil it should be respected, not always agreed upon, but respected.

  • How can we show it? How can we honor you in a way that makes you feel respected?

Listening and allowing the accommodation space for a man to work.  I understand women have their needs as well and do my best to be sensitive to them. Men need the exact same thing, people need it in general. I think that a genuine appreciation satisfies the honor a man should need. Being a man to me is all about fulfilling my duty as male, protector, spouse, and citizen…I want to be able to do my part without too much push-back.

The Question About Respect (Mr Ganda)

Ish’s Take

  • What do you wish women knew about Masculine respect?

I wish women knew that masculine respect has nothing to do with being macho. In other words, we do not necessarily need respect to be men. It is not about stroking our egos because most of us can do that ourselves. It has to do with the fact that we are humans. Society already has tons of ideas of what it means to be men. We don’t want the women in our lives to become part of the proverbial them. We are always learning how to be better men so work with us. Help us accept the things we fail to and encourage us to change what we must. Please, keep in mind that we do not have the gift of insight at least when it comes to the female psyche so do not assume we know when things are wrong. You deserve our respect every step of the way and do not forget to remind us of that. To, that is what masculine respect is all about.

  • What does it mean to you? (What is respect?)

A few years ago, I do not think I would have been able to tell you what respect meant to me. I’m not saying that I did not have a definition for respect. It’s just not what I believe now. So, to answer the question, Respect to me means honesty. If I respect you, I have to be honest with you by showing you the true me. I might not like what you have to say but I would rather you be honest with me. This is coming from someone who has had his struggle with being honest.

  • How can we show it? How can we honor you in a way that makes you feel respected?

All I ask is that we get our time. Give us men, our time. We hurt too, we get emotional too, and despite all the rumours, we are not dogs. I don’t know how many times men around the world have to listen to someone making a statement along the lines of you men, or all men do this and that. Whenever a man tries to explain himself, he is met with the generalisation shut down. Let me get my time to say my piece. I don’t plan on changing your stance, I just want my time to share mine.