Crown You With Honesty

Crown you with Honesty!

I am worthy 

Of the truth that is 

You are Honest 

I believe you are truthful that is 

Spare my feelings 

That is what society has taught 

Honor me with your truth 

That is what my heart says 

Well, I hope that I have been clear about where our conversation begins sir.  And I do not by any means represent all women. But what I will represent   today is that group of women who want the truth.  I’m talking that “Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you, God”.  Contrary to what society, the barbershop, or ya boys tell you WE WANT THAT ISH. Unapologetic Honesty.  Believe it or not, we can handle it.  We might not be excited about being divulged something that will taint our happily ever after.  But your whole truth is essential to relationship development and growth between you and your partner. Let me take a step back for a moment.  Communication, good communication is the hallmark to a positive and healthy relationship.  Honesty is like a brother/sister to communication. Without it there is no unity in a genuine relationship. You need honesty in order to properly communicate with your mate.  Bottom-line!

Lies on the other hand are like snowballs they are exciting and fun until you get hit in the face with one. From that snowball, if they survive that turn into snowmen, that potentially melt into nothingness.  Eventually, this can become an avalanche that will take out everything in their paths… I think you guys get where I’m going. They can and will destroy the foundation of your relationship ultimately and things won’t be so sweet once the truth is unleashed. 

Contrary to what society, the barbershop, or ya boys tell you WE WANT THAT ISH. Unapologetic Honesty.  Believe it or not, we can handle it. 

Top Reasons Human lie (Psychology today, 2017):

1. The lie does matter… to them. The number one reason people lie when it just doesn’t matter is because they actually do think it matters. 

2. Telling the truth feels like giving up control. Often, people tell lies because they are trying to control a situation and exert influence toward getting the decisions or reactions they want. The truth can be “inconvenient” because it might not conform to their narrative.

3. They don’t want to disappoint you. It may not feel like it to you, but people who tell lie after lie are often worried about losing the respect of those around them. They want you to like them, be impressed, and value them. 

4. It’s not a lie to them. When we are under pressure, our thinking about the big picture can be challenged. 

Those are just a few facts.  We all know that there are many more reasons why.  In the mind of most Men the primary reason to devise stories of deception is: 

Truth=Rejection & Lies =Controlling the narrative.

Would you agree?  Please believe me when in tell you fellas most women would rather you hurt them with the truth than to finesse them with a lie.  So today I want to crown you with truth, I want to leave you with some tips to start those honorable and honest conversations with the ladies.

  • Create a mood:choose a place or environment that will keep you and your mate relaxed & calm- taking a walk, working out, or creating an ambiance at home.
  • Tone of voice:it’s not what you say it’s how you say it. After you’ve set the right mood take a gentle approach, you want to create a restorative environment.  Try your best to use language that doesn’t place blame or manifest hostility. 
  • Be ready to give your partner space:After revealing you truth you partner may need a break and that’s ok.  Processing what’s happened is essential for both parties to move forward successfully together or apart.  
  • Be Open.  You must accept the end result.  Though you may not want a negative outcome be accepting of the fate of the relationship. Whether the result is positive or negative you MUST accept and reflect on what the universe has delivered.  Behind every lesson is a blessin’ and you will be rewarded for your honesty! You will feel good about yourself, know you were honorable and live in your truth.  

From here on, my advice to you is- if you use this practice from the gate you will bring in the energy and relationship that you need to thrive.  We often times lie to get the things we want and lose them because it wasn’t what we needed. On that note I sign off fellas. I hope you enjoyed our time.  

Lata,


Chi

Reference:

Ley Ph.D., D. (2017).  6 Reasons People Lie When They Don’t Need To: Understanding the motivations pathological liars.  Retrieved on February 7, 2019, from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-who-stray/201701/6-reasons-people-lie-when-they-don-t-need

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Long Live Chivalry

Every so often I hear the treacherous phrase, “Chivalry is dead.” While some areas of media would have us to believe this is true, I simply refuse to accept it. I am a strong supporter of chivalrous acts. Some may view the concept as outdated, limiting, or simply too traditional. But, this has become the age of #BlackLove and #relationshipgoals. It seems there has been a resurgence in relationships and the general feeling toward them. So much so there are creative engagements happening and being posted to social media all the time. All you have to do is go to Instagram and search the hashtags, you will find an overabundance of pictures displaying pure love.

Many idolize couples who seemingly exhibit healthy relationships, such as Ciara and Russell Wilson. Their love story has been the root of many women jokingly asking Ciara what prayer she prayed to get Russell Wilson as a spouse.  That being said, I don’t think chivalry is dead! I still see men open store and car doors for women, pull out women’s chairs before they seat themselves, I’ve witnessed men move their women to the inner side of the sidewalk when walking down the street, men help women put their coats on, and there are even women at my job who randomly receive flowers or edible arrangements from their spouses or significant others. While of course women don’t NEED men to do these things, the efforts are greatly appreciated.

In an age where kindness and common courtesy are becoming less common it is refreshing to see these chivalrous actions still taking place. As a woman it is a fantastic feeling to have a man be thoughtful and courteous enough to do these things. It makes you no less independent to allow a man to help you with any of these acts! Even more, doing these things does not make you “weak” as I’ve heard before.  If anything, it simply makes you a gentleman! These very small actions promote a trend of warmth that is unmatched.

-Miss Ashley’s Anecdotes

The Question About Respect (Dr Gneiss)

Dr Gneiss’ Take

  • What do you wish women knew about Masculine respect?

That it is a key element in a relationship, just as much as feminine respect. Some men don’t need the affirmation to the respect because their confidence is self-driven, however, there are some that need to see the display of respect for their relationships to run smoothly. Men should within reason relay what is important to his spouse/girlfriend what and how he will interact with her within a relationship…what his responsibilities will be, what role he will want to take on. This should be discussed and agreed upon. After the agreement is made to respect each other’s roles, that agreement should be respected.

  • What does it mean to you? (What is respect?)

Respect to me is an acknowledgement that I matter, that others matter. We should respect opinions, rules, standings and other facets of a person’s personality. As long as something is civil it should be respected, not always agreed upon, but respected.

  • How can we show it? How can we honor you in a way that makes you feel respected?

Listening and allowing the accommodation space for a man to work.  I understand women have their needs as well and do my best to be sensitive to them. Men need the exact same thing, people need it in general. I think that a genuine appreciation satisfies the honor a man should need. Being a man to me is all about fulfilling my duty as male, protector, spouse, and citizen…I want to be able to do my part without too much push-back.

The Question About Respect (Mr Ganda)

Ish’s Take

  • What do you wish women knew about Masculine respect?

I wish women knew that masculine respect has nothing to do with being macho. In other words, we do not necessarily need respect to be men. It is not about stroking our egos because most of us can do that ourselves. It has to do with the fact that we are humans. Society already has tons of ideas of what it means to be men. We don’t want the women in our lives to become part of the proverbial them. We are always learning how to be better men so work with us. Help us accept the things we fail to and encourage us to change what we must. Please, keep in mind that we do not have the gift of insight at least when it comes to the female psyche so do not assume we know when things are wrong. You deserve our respect every step of the way and do not forget to remind us of that. To, that is what masculine respect is all about.

  • What does it mean to you? (What is respect?)

A few years ago, I do not think I would have been able to tell you what respect meant to me. I’m not saying that I did not have a definition for respect. It’s just not what I believe now. So, to answer the question, Respect to me means honesty. If I respect you, I have to be honest with you by showing you the true me. I might not like what you have to say but I would rather you be honest with me. This is coming from someone who has had his struggle with being honest.

  • How can we show it? How can we honor you in a way that makes you feel respected?

All I ask is that we get our time. Give us men, our time. We hurt too, we get emotional too, and despite all the rumours, we are not dogs. I don’t know how many times men around the world have to listen to someone making a statement along the lines of you men, or all men do this and that. Whenever a man tries to explain himself, he is met with the generalisation shut down. Let me get my time to say my piece. I don’t plan on changing your stance, I just want my time to share mine.

The Question About Respect (C.J. Guy)

C.J. Guy’s Take

  • What do you wish women knew about Masculine respect?

The only thing I wish women knew or understood is only real men (not the proverbial F boys) can describe what masculine respect is. It is very important for a man to feel like a man…we get this partly from the women around us and how they make us feel.

  • What does it mean to you? (What is respect?)

Respect is valuing my role, concerns, accepting who I am, and my judgement as the man of the household. Respect is a mutual and easy aspect in healthy relationships when everyone understands their role.

  • How can we show it? How can we honor you in a way that makes you feel respected?

The best way to honor or show respect is to value his judgement and acknowledge the value of his opinion to decisions in the household. This does not mean you have to acquiesce, far from it, it just means take his judgement into consideration…we love that…we feel valued.

The Question About Respect (Regg)

Regg’s Take

  • What do you wish women knew about Masculine respect?

I wish women knew more than what they learn about men on TV, or through media outlets. Understanding men as people would lead women to a greater mutual respect both or and from men. I want women to understand there is no single definition of masculinity. Expectations and preconceived notions that women bring to the relationship annihilate many men.

When I was first married, my now ex-wife, had plenty of ideas about what she thought married life and relationships would be. The attempt to align and understand the love language between the sexes is what facilitates the breakdown of relationships. The longer it takes to figure it out, the wider the expanse becomes.

  • What does it mean to you? (What is respect?)

Respect is a mutual behavior. It’s the authentic act of displaying your care through words and deeds. It is a continuous cross-functional behavior that impacts all aspects of personal/interpersonal relationships. From feelings to communication, consideration, and expectations.

Respect based decisions and interactions determine how we receive your intentions. The level of respect between individuals determines the how they receive your intentions, your words, and even your kindness. If I do not respect a person, even their good deeds are suspicious. Copious amounts of respect should always be deployed in romantic relations if there any is any hope of longevity and mutual affection.

  • How can we show it? How can we honor you in a way that makes you feel respected?

Listening and allowing the accommodation space for a man to work.  I understand women have Clearly, there are all sorts of ways to show honor and respect. In fact, respect is as various as personality. Think about your partner and how they receive information from others. Use what you know about them, previous conversations you about others, unrelated gripe sessions, or scenarios that impressed them.

Everyday situations will give you guidance to understanding. Honor yourself. Always be an asset to your team. My partner respects me by showing the world her best self and having respect for herself. Lastly, I feel respected when you honor my desires, dreams, and aspirations. We can’t grow together without mutual honor and respect.